One Wish

If I had a wish
What do you suppose I’d wish for?
Happiness is not Earthly
Money feels of mud in my hands
And power is easily lost
Of Love? Of the heart, is beyond wishing
Only of my dreams.
So, what is left
Of my desires?
Oh, to be a great villain!
I wish to earn a seat
In the jaws,
In the lowest circle of hell
To be a great betrayer
Worth of song and tale
I wish for the bodies of my friends
To make my desires theirs
Never ending pleasures of the flesh
To numb my mind
My image to never leave their thoughts
That! That is a wish worth granting
To be free of these shackles
Kindness weighs heavily on my wrists
To wish to not be me

Monster

How does one define a monster
A beast who prowls for prey
Perhaps some disfigurement would aid our answer
Or better yet, some Thing that seeks to harm
Harm for harm sake is truly monstrous
But wonder, as is common
A little differently about our monsters
For what is more beastly, more ugly, more cruel
Than a good man who weeps when he can do no harm
That he lives as he only knows how
For the good of others and not himself
And all the kind words and gestures
And gratitude shown his way
Add weight to an already heavy heart
Sinking it closer to the depths
When love should give wings to soar

I Ask

Heaven blessed me one time before.
Damn me, for I ask once more!
I was blind, now full of hate
I’ll forsake all others for a mate
This fool is cursed for his mistake
Will it last to his wake?
My angel was by my side,
but now too far to be my bride.
Your obsession was to my gain
For you, the truth, I could not feign.
My heart could not bear the joy,
was this kind boy yet again a toy?
An old betrayal raises the thought,
but you are gentle as the sun is hot.
There is too much yet to be said,
but the words will not leave my head!
This timid approach is unnecessary,
but feeling appear to be secondary.
An act of bravery may all be that is required,
but I fear my time has all but expired.
Demand from me all that you want,
and I will not see it as a taunt.
Banish me and abuse me,
you will not hear me plea.
Refuse and reject me,
I won’t walk to the bottom of the sea.
If all you want is a friend,
reality will begin, and fantasy end.
Demand from me an act of greatness,
I’ll make the arrangements and apologies for my lateness.
I’m not a great beauty or all that smart,
nor do I have wealth or great works of art.
I beg, just ask of me any thing,
for all I have is the desire suited for a king.
You offered me your body when we are apart,
but this pitiful creature secretly dreams of your heart.
Heaven blessed me one time before.
Damn me, for I ask once more!

Razors are so mainstream. I make myself bleed with tweezers. You wouldn’t understand.

7 Sins Poem (01/23/2011)

I vanquished Greed from the land;
There is a power vacuum in my body.
Sloth takes the Northern territories,
And Lust takes the Southern territories.

Pride hides in the wilderness;
He is a rodent surviving in the sewers.
Adorning the roads to my Temple;
The rotting corpses of Gluttony and Wrath.

She sits in her lone tower, afraid;
The green sorceress known as Envy.
There is whispering in the wind,
As false dreams blanket the people.

The Fall

I have not heard my own heartbeat

In an eternity

How did it sound

I cannot recall

Would I even recognize it

If I found my peace

My existence has been abrasive to the world I am within

A constant, grinding hum blankets my being

My humanity has kneeled to its pressure

Thoughts (June 11, 2015)

Do you keep telling yourself
Be kind and the world will be kind to you
Show compassion,and the world will show compassion to you
Be helpful, and the world will help you
Be sweet, and someone will be sweet to you

Do you blame the world?
Will you be cold because the world was not kind
Will you be cruel because the world showed you no compassion
Will you be selfish because no one helped you
Will you be ugly because the world sees you as such

Can you think logically?
Be kind just to be kind
Be compassionate just to be compassionate
Help simply to help
Be sweet because it gives people joy
Logic helps bury the emotions and fight back the tears.

Have you brainwashed yourself?
You are odd and weird
You do not fit in and you do not belong
You are not even human
You will live just for the chance to be happy
You’re options are limited
Believe in something, but know you are not enough
Undervalue the world because the world is not enough
Undervalue yourself because you are a part of the world

Sun God (2011)

We are creatures of the light and we fear the night.

We live under the sun.

An innate sense of protection;

Our Guardian.

When under its rays, we feel invincible.

But become cowards when it fades over the horizon

My Goddess Visits Me Again (2011)

I had a dream this morning that I never wanted to end.

I throw caution to the wind and risk damnation if only to pray to the Creator that I see that face in my dreams again.

There is no greater feeling than the woman you love seek your embrace and run into your arms. Then… for her to confess… to me. It was heaven. In my dreams, I was in heaven – despite the world in chaos – and I did not want it to end.

Love is a chain I willing bind my hands and feet with if only to be forever bound to her. My freedom is not lost, for this is a decision I would prescribe to myself if out of chains.

Forever damn me in the afterlife, God, never to know your Word again, but let me see heaven every night in my dreams in this life.

Shattered

I stand alone in a realm of ice
So cold that time itself slows
And falls like snow
I lack the courage to take a step
For the past is just as likely as the future
And though I chip away at my skin
Into a husk further distant from beauty
I know my heart still holds warmth
For as I remain here emotionless
I have broken my own heart
And felt it wither and weaken
Like the trampled garden below my feet

Anguish

I am lifeless

Though air fills my lungs

And blood fills my muscles

To move this pen

I am lifeless

There is something worse than 

Self-destruction

What I have done is stagnated 

Life

I am truly and remarkably hideous

Living In Disgrace

I blame the moon
For these strong tides
My arm is too weak
To deliver my words

I blame the moon for my loneliness
As I parade around the shores
Swamped with washed-up writings

I blame the moon
Its many faces invite discored
And I find myself flattering ideas
Far from natural light

I stand here looking up
My body paralyzed by wonder
And I see my own reflection in the glow
I want to blame the moon

Panic

I am growing more restless
Every day
It takes longer for my heart
To Settle
This barren land I dwell
Is Edging
Closer to vanishing below the sand

Words of hope and love are difficult, too
Come by
Grab me by my wrist and drag me
Steal me
Away from my territory of turmoil
Shelter me
In your arms I will know

I am enough.